The Subterranean Home Repair Blues

June 10, 2009
When it rains, it pours

When it rains, it pours

Yeah, I know these things happen, and maybe I’m more sensitive to it now given my situation, but it feels like we’ve had quite a (bad) run of this lately.

Since being laid-off on December 5, 2008:

  • Computer fix for college student: $600
  • Car radiator/brakes: $1,200
  • Leaky roof threatening collapse of garage: $1,500
  • Water heater/plumbing: $3,800
  • Dry cleaner lost suit jacket: $950 – not yet replaced
  • Leaky window replacement: $2,000
  • Ice damming damage repair: $400
  • Furnace blower: $400
  • New tire of new car after capturing a nail in the sidewall: $300  
  • Replace broken fence gate: $900
  • Dead laptop:  $TBD  — not replaced yet
  • Upgrades to existing substitute computer rather than buying new one: $300
  • Computer tech cost to capture files etc. on dead laptop: $200
  • Lost iPod: $250
  • New car sideswiped by construction vehicle in front of our own house:  $250 deductible, not including hassle factor of dealing with my insurance company, the Village, the State and the Construction company
  • Death of second cheap vaccum cleaner: $400 Dyson.  This really sucks.

 Please don’t add this up.  It hurts just thinking about it.

One can only hope that this is the last of it, but probably not.  To be continued (?)


Obama: The Luckiest Politician Ever

June 9, 2009
Crazy like a Fox?

Crazy like a Fox?

It has to be true that no one in political life has been more fortunate in their choice of opponents than Barack Obama (i.e., Peter Fitzgerald, Carol Mosely Braun, Blair Hull and the seven dwarfs of the 2004 Democratic Senatorial primary , Jack Ryan, Alan Keyes, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, and now the rest of the circular firing squad known as the GOP leadership).  How else to explain Newt Gingrich stepping into a Reagan-loving minefield with his comments today?

Reagan at the U.N. on 6/19/82: “I speak today as both a citizen of the United States and of the world. … My people have sent me here today to speak for them as citizens of the world, which they truly are, for we Americans are drawn from every nationality represented in this chamber today.”

Newt today: “I am not a citizen of the world. I think the entire concept is intellectual nonsense and stunningly dangerous.”

Newt said this with no sense of irony.  As political theatre, it’s awesome to watch, in the same way a tornado is awesome to watch–that is, from a distance.  This may be Newt’s “Tonya Harding Moment”–one where he whacks an opponent, only to realize that doing it sinks himself and that the lunkheads that helped him do it, were, in fact, lunkheads.  Whoever writes Newt’s speeches or does his research should be handed over to Cheney and Addington for enhanced interrogation.  Does they not understand that people have access to the Google and can trace these things? If this was an accident, and he didn’t know that Reagan had said this, it may be the equivalent of Jerry Ford freeing the Poles from Soviet domination in the 1976 Presidential Debate with Jimmy Carter–the foot-shooting moment that everyone remembered as they went into the voting booth a few days later.

Perhaps I’m wrong.  Perhaps criticizing Reagan’s foreign policy is Newt’s new strategy to grab the mantle of leadership of the Republican Party.  After all, not many conservatives were comfortable with Reagan’s embrace of Gorby at Reykjavik.  Maybe he’s figuring that the best way to separate himself from the Republican pack is to separate himself from Reagan.  I doubt it, but can’t think of any other explanation (other than “oops, get me rewrite!”)

The good news for the Republicans is that it’s an eternity until anybody other than goobers like me start paying attention.  Time will tell.


On being Friends

June 8, 2009

facebook-logoAs we’ve talked with our kids about the dangers of posting of pictures to Facebook (as evidenced here), I’ve been thinking about how kids experience the intimacy of friendship in the web-based world.  My preliminary conclusion is that while they think they’re more connected to people, what they really have is the illusion of closeness rather than the real thing.

Six years ago or so (pre-Facebook–which feels like saying “pre-historic”), I went back to my basketball crazy college with a client to watch a game with a big rival.  It was a Tuesday night early in the season.  The home team won, an outcome was then a foregone conclusion, but not any longer.  It was an exciting game, with a capacity crowd roaring at fighter jet-decibel levels.  We left the arena and headed straight for the prime watering hole, expecting a similarly raucous crowd.  And…crickets.  “Where is everybody?” I finally asked the waitress.

“In their rooms chatting with each other on the computer,” she responded.

Fast forward to today’s Facebook, Twitter, text, web camera-enabled world.  My high school-aged daughter was studying for finals and told us that she was meeting with a friend to work on French.  I never heard anyone come in, and was sure she hadn’t left, so I walked in her room to see that she was video chatting with her French classmate.  The quality of the video was decent, but ultimately it was like a bad conference call with each of them talking over each other and having to repeat themselves and talk loudly–things that would never have happened had they been in the same room.  It looked like more trouble than it was worth and definitely wasn’t adding to the academic environment.  “Why couldn’t you two get together to study?” I asked.

“Because we have the video chat, Dad (read: ‘you moron’)”, my daughter replied.

Facebook has rendered the word “friend” meaningless in the same way certain other words have been neutered.  A friend of mine told me of a conversation with his high-schooler in which the kid said, “We’re ‘friends’, but we’re not friends.”

This technological interaction problem (hereafter referred to as “TIP”; I expect all royalties and credit for having coined same) isn’t limited to kids, of course.  Ever been behind someone in the line at the grocery store who treats real people with the same snarky sarcasm normally found in the comment sections of websites and blogs?  It’s almost like being in a foreign country and witnessing someone providing a living example of the phrase “Ugly American”.  These folks seem to either have forgotten or never learned society’s rules for interacting with others.  Yes, I know being rude is not limited to those raised in the digital age (those intent on making that point should get their own blogs) but doesn’t it seem like these non-social or anti-social creatures are more prevelant than they’ve ever been? 

So we now live in a world in which every random thought is broadcast to the world, every picture available for everyone to see, everyone is linked together, but no one knows anyone all that well.  I get the sense that we may be advancing technologically, but we’re moving backwards socially.  Turn it off.  Unplug.  Get outside.  Meet people face-to-face. Use your vocal chords and not your fingertips.  Become friends.


“Financial Krakatoa” and the potential bursting of the biggest asset bubble yet

May 28, 2009
10-year UST yields over the past week. (WSJ.com)

10-year UST yields over the past week. (WSJ.com)

Brace yourselves.  If you thought the bursting of the tech bubble or the housing bubble was bad, the mother of all bubbles, that of the U.S. Treasury market, appears on the verge of bursting and taking whatever “green shoots” with it.  Read this from a couple days ago.  It’s jargon filled, but if it doesn’t scare the bejesus out of you, read it again.  The situation has deteriorated since then,as noted here in today’s WSJ.


Typos in the news

May 22, 2009
The extra "i"s have it!

The extra "i"s have it!

Typographical errors are in the news lately. I came across two typo stories in the last 48 hours; one charming, one an abject lesson.

The first from yesterday’s WSJ discusses errors in the engraving on Lord Stanley’s Cup.  Goalie Jacques Plante has his name spelled three different ways on the Cup.  Team names are wrong.  An Assistant Manger is identified as an “ass man”.  In general, guys are so happy and proud to have won the Stanley Cup that they’ll take it.  In all, it’s charming.

Then there’s the story of Hayden Panettiere.  Today’s Huffington Post reports that Ms. Panettiere (a person unknown to me until this morning) has a typo problem of her own.  Her tattooed philosophy  “to live without regrets” is being sorely tested by the fact that her desire to have this message written in Italian was not matched by either her ability to tell the tattoo “artist” how to spell it or the “artist’s” ability to read.  The result is a life-long, permanent “oops” moment.  The story does not report whether she regrets the incident.  I wonder if she’s crossed Italy off of her vacation list.

The desire or attractiveness of tattooing has always escaped me, so perhaps I’m less sympathetic to Ms. Panettiere’s fate than I should be.  Even at my most intoxicated, the thought of creating a permanent record of the event never occurred to me.  Running the risk of having a permanent spelling error is just reason #245 for me to avoid the “parlor”.

Topical Yogi Berra story (probably apocryphal, of course).  Yogi goes two-for-three, but the next day’s newspaper showed Berra only going one-for-three.  Yogi confronted the beat reporter for the paper about it.  The reporter apologized and said that it must have been a typographical error.   Yogi says, “Typographical error, my eye.  It was a clean single.”

UPDATE:  More tattoo typos in the news courtesy of the Huffington Post


Man’s Vertical Evolution

May 15, 2009
Evidence of the Great Plumbing Conspiracy

Evidence of the Great Plumbing Conspiracy

The pace of man’s evolution must have reached warp speed in the past 40 years, especially when it comes to height.  How else can you explain the incredible number of shower heads in homes, condos, rental units and hotels I encounter that come out of the wall at 5 feet, 4 inches off the floor?!  Was the average height of a man really only 5’2” in 1950, about when the Outer Banks rental home we’re staying in was built?  Was there ever a full-grown person who could stand under this shower head without performing a limbo-like maneuver?  Was this home built with one of those restrictive covenants that only “little people” could own it (but not rent it)?  It’s not like I’m complaining about a lack of hot water or a bed that’s too mushy.  This is a construction feature.  Someone PLANNED this.  Are plumbing contractors all short …and vengeful?  I want to know who and I want to know why.


Ten Minutes at Thornwood Park

May 13, 2009

We live close to a park with two baseball diamonds where 7-year olds play.  Since our pup, Tillie the Wonder Dog, loves kids, when I walk her in the evenings, I go by the park.  My son and his friends are 13 and they umpire these games, so it’s fun to watch them working, too.  Last night’s walk was special.  In about 10 minutes at the park, here’s a breakdown of what I saw.

A friend of ours was tending to a little boy on the bench (turned out to be her son) whose feet didn’t touch the ground with a dirty, tear-streaked face holding an ice bag on his forehead, swinging his legs back and forth like he was waiting for an ice cream.

With runners on first and second, the ball gets away from the catcher.  The third base coach yells to the runners, “run, run, run”.  The kid at second base looks at the coach with this “who? me?” look while standing firmly on second base.

The next pitch gets away, the coach yells run, and this time, everybody’s on the move.  The catcher makes a decent throw, but the third baseman can’t handle it and it goes into left field.  There’s much yelling to the left fielder to throw the ball into the infield.  As I look at the infield, I see no less than 6 kids calling for the ball.  The first, second, and third basemen, the shortstop, the pitcher and the right fielder were all trying to act as cut-off man. I hear a coach yell, “Billy get back to right field!”  The kids puts his head down, kicks some dirt and goes back to right field for more inactivity.

A ball is hit on two bounces to the third baseman.  It misses his glove, but hits him in the right ankle.  Jimmy’s down!  He’s not crying though, which intrigued me.  He gets up and, without putting his right foot on the ground, he begins to hop toward foul territory and the bench.  He was clearly going to sit down.  He’d been hurt. Isn’t that where hurt players go?  No one asks him if he’s ok.  No one rushes to his aid.  He couldn’t believe it when his coach yelled, “Rub some dirt on it.” 

“Rub dirt?  On my foot?  How’s that gonna help?” his face said. Is it magical dirt?, he wondered.

The third base coach tried to reason with him, telling him that he had to put some weight on it or it would never get better.  Never.  Ever.

Still incredulous that he was not going to get to go to the bench and get one of those fun ice bags for his foot, he slowly, he placed his right foot on the ground and limps cautiously back to his position.

The next hit ball goes where?  You guessed it, to Jimmy the Injured third baseman.  He treats it like a snake and chases it and beats it into the ground several times before picking it up and diving to the bag to force the runner at third.  A nice play.  He limps as he gets up off the ground, looking around to see who is watching.

We managed to find the one little kid that TtWD (Tillie the Wonder Dog) doesn’t like.  A kid in need of a tranquilizer dart who raced up to her from behind, hit her on the head, tried to pull her tail (the trifecta of bad human/animal manners), then asked if she could “pet” the dog. “Um, we’ve got to go,” I lied.

No children, animals or umpires were hurt during the observation.


“News” must not mean what I think it does.

May 6, 2009

Yet another story in the endless litany of mindless stories labeled as “news” appeared this morning when NBC’s Today show put Bernie Madoff’s secretary on the air to say that she thinks Bernie’s hiding something and that he orchestrated his own arrest.  http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/30598201/

Next up on Today, the Moon’s shocking 28-day cycle and word that the oceans contain salt!

Is there anyone who thinks that he didn’t do this precisely because he wants to take the fall fully and completely for his sons and wife (and others)?  He pleaded guilty without any plea bargain so that when (not if) his sons are brought up on charges they can call him as a defense witness and he can say, “As I said at my trial without refutation, I did this all myself and my sons weren’t involved,” in an attempt to create reasonable doubt.

(It’s going to work, too.)

But NBC thinks that getting someone on TV to say, “Bernie is covering up” is something that adds to the story and is therefore “news”.  I don’t feel any better informed after seeing the segment.  Do you?


Playoff Excitement

May 1, 2009

Having spent nearly six hours last night watching playoff games (Bulls and Blackhawks), there can be little doubt that the current excitement level generated by the NBA and the NHL playoffs proves one thing:  the supremacy of the NFL is driven by the fact that each and every NFL game is meaningful.  The longer the season, the less meaningful each game becomes, the less people are interested.  When games become meaningful, people pay up for tickets, make it “appointment television” and tune in.  (This obviously applies to baseball, too, but Chicago teams are so infrequently in the MLB playoffs that it’s a point that hardly seems worth making.)

The regular seasons of these sports border on the unwatchable–especially the NBA.  They play six months to eliminate only a few teams, then play like it really means something for three months.  Not so the NFL.  Those guys are grinding on every down. 

The reasons for this include:

  • Guaranteed contracts in non-football sports,
  • The desire to extend the excitement of NHL/NBA playoffs causes too few teams to be eliminated by the regular season–rendering the regular season ever more meaningless

I’d like to claim this insight as my own, but it has been previously made by Gregg Easterbrook in his guise as ESPN.com’s Tuesday Morning Quarterback.  I’ve been reading his columns for years (since he was on Slate.com eons ago), and it has changed for the better the way I watch football and my understanding of it.  For a football fan, I cannot give a stronger recommendation.


I’ll take “Unattractive Singers” for $200, Alex

April 23, 2009

jamupEveryone’s writing or talking about this, so I suppose I should to.  I got dragged (willingly) into this discussion by my genius friend Dennis Ryan, who has written about this from a different angle here and here.

Surprised that an angelic noise came out of Susan Boyle’s mouth?  Why?  Is it because she’s “visually challenging”?  It may come as news to viewers of the Country Music Awards, where all female performers look like Carrie Underwood (whom I love as a performer and find beautiful), among others that not every singer is Underwoodian in their beauty.

Let’s look at this issue numerically:  Only 10% of the population can be “10s”.  There are a lot more of us 1 through 7s than there are 8s, 9s or 10s (2.3 times more to be exact).  This ain’t Lake Wobegon; the average person is a 5!

Perhaps this is a television phenomenon.  Since only beautiful people are allowed on television (no 5s, unless they’re being perp walked or are otherwise on “Cops”), the population’s sensibilities have been numbed to the notion that a) people that are numbers 1-8 actually exist and b) there’s a chance that at least some of them can sing.  Perhaps if the church choir wasn’t housed in the balcony at the back of the church where no one can see them, people might understand this notion better.

So, without further ado, here’s my list (one that will require frequent updates as I troll the musical catalog of my mind) in no particular order:

  • Meat Loaf*
  • Neil Young
  • Amy Winehouse
  • Willie Nelson
  • Tom Petty
  • Steven Tyler, and his separated at birth older brother, Mick Jagger
  • Do I even need to say “Keith Richards”?
  • Lyle Lovett
  • Robert Zimmerman
  • Rod Stewart
  • Ozzy Ozzbourne (not sure this applies, since ol’ Oz probably doesn’t qualify as a “good singer”)
  • Joe Cocker
  • David Lee Roth (see also Ozzbourne, Ozzy)
  • Kurt Cobain (no, I’m not mocking the dead)
  • Vince Neal or any randomly selected lead singer from a mid- to late-80s hair band (also likely disqualified as “non-good singers)

Feel free to offer further suggestions.

 

* Corrected from the original version “Meatloaf”. Spellcheck run amok. We regret the error.