The Local Paper

So Governor Rick Perry wants to secede from the United States.   Aside from the political lunacy that it represents, I think it’s an idea worth exploring–for the rest of us.

Think about what we would gain if Texas were a foreign country? 

• We could put Cuba-like travel restrictions on them, keeping all those people that really think that Texas is the best place on earth away from those of us that know differently (the best place on Earth is the third row of the left field bleachers in the power alley at Wrigley in July–when dreams of what might be still exist and the reality of the home team crapping out in the playoffs is a distant cold slap in the face).
• Selling them the ships and airplanes they’ll need to have their own navy and air force will be fun, too.  If Governor Perry thinks that we’ll sell those assets to him at cost, he’s got another thing coming.
• We’d have no more worries about shelling out relief aid when (not if) hurricanes hit the 370 miles of Texas coastline
• We’d sell more things to Texas than they’d buy from us, reducing our trade deficit
• With a straight face, we could offer “Texan” to our kids as part of their foreign language training
• We could finally be rid of NASA and the budget drain that comes with it
• Since President Bush would reside in the RoT, his travels to the US might subject him to war crimes arrest–just as they will if he ever sets foot outside of the currently-constituted United States.

I’m sure there are more reasons for us to jump at this chance to boot them out.  Truth be told, I’m actually more fond of a deal that I’ve been pondering for quite a while.  It started as a plot to sell Michigan to Canada, but has morphed into a swap with Canada:  they get Michigan (and all the hair that comes with that) and in lieu of a cash payment we’d throw in Alaska.  Seems fair.  Although this would mean losing Governor Granholm, we’d also benefit from not having to hear any more about Governor Palin.