Earlier today, I was doing some research about a topic I’m going to be writing about soon. In doing so, I found myself on the website for the Atlanta Journal Constitution. Before entering my search query, I scanned the front page to see what’s happening in Atlanta. The page is gone now, but I grabbed an image of the screen. I’m not auditioning for Jay Leno’s job (although I think that, with the help of Jay’s writers, I and a high percentage of the people I know could do just as good a job), but look at these headlines! (Click on the image of the paper to enlarge it.)
“Georgia Execution Drug Unsafe, Attorneys Say”. REALLY?* Isn’t that the point? If they were safe they wouldn’t be very useful in trying to kill the prisoner now would they?
“Pauly Shore Alive…”. What a relief that is! I didn’t know that there were concerns that Pauly might actually not be alive. I realize that his career has waned, but frankly the fact that he ever had a career to begin with is perhaps the biggest miracle this side of Lourdes.
“Woodstock Man Arrested for Allegedly Setting Teen On Fire During Sex”. Now I’ve had some pretty great sex in my day, but never have I gotten so far along in the process as to generate enough friction to cause a fire!** Doesn’t K-Y make products to prevent this kind of thing from happening?
Explanatory and Exculpatory Notes:
* Yes, I know that the defense lawyer is arguing that if the drug in question is painful to the prisoner as death comes and should the execution fail (a not uncommon occurrence, it turns out), the prisoner would have been harmed unnecessarily. But that’s not funny. The headline is funny.
** Yes, I know this is not what this means and it’s awful that someone allegedly tried to burn a teenager. But that’s not funny. Again, work with me on this.