Two things to remember about nicknames

This is a true story.

I played in a member-guest golf event with a life-long friend this week.  Along the way, we met Chuck from Omaha.

It seems that Chuck belongs to a club in Nebraska has something of a tradition of assigning nicknames to its members.   Just about everyone has a nickname.  Chuck did not. And this is where Chuck made his first mistake.  He asked for a nickname.

Nickname Rule #1: You cannot ask for a nickname.  If you do, you will regret it.

Chuck’s “friends” at the club obliged him, of course.  And “Shithead” was born.

Yes, they named him Shithead.  Ha, ha, ha.  That’s funny. Everyone laughed and enjoyed the moment.  Then Chuck made his second error which not only compounded the first one but essentially finished him for good.  He objected.

He said he didn’t like his new nickname that he asked for.  Ouch.  Bad move, Chuck Shithead. Bad, bad move.

Nickname Rule #2:  Never let your feelings about your nickname be known to others.  If you say you like it, they’ll stop using it.  If you say you hate it, they’ll never let you forget it.

And now, Chuck is known as Chuck to his mother and his wife.  Everyone else calls him “Shithead”, from his best friends, including the member that invited him) and to his ex-wife (obviously).  He even answers to Shithead, and with a smile on his face to boot.

The implications of this boggle the mind.  Think of the poor Grandkids. 

“Let’s go visit Grandpa Shithead at the nursing home.” 

“What did you bring me, Grandpa Shithead?”

Teacher: Timmy, where’d you go for Christmas?

Grandkid: “We went to visit my Grandpa Shithead.” 

Teacher:  Hey kid, who you calling “shithead”?

All because he got what he asked for.

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